The rantings of a mad chinese man
by Ganzer
Summary: A storm is on its way. The girls must face their toughest, and creepiest, not to mention most idiotic and possibly retarded enemy yet. This dude named LI. the first chapter doesn't do the second chapter justice, give it a chance.
1. Chapter 1

1I do not own this series. I am in no way related to it minus the fact that right now I decided to pull something out of my ass and give it for all of you to see.

Characters:

$$hole: real name Li Tien Shoo

La Fawnduh:the name of his Journal/diary/man notebook

Chapter !

The $$hole

Dear La Fawnduh,

It was high time I found something to do. All I usually do is sit around in my big house in the middle of nowhere, doing things everyone else is doing,(watching porn, hitting on girls through the internet, exercising my biceps, making lude long distance calls to strangers with my neighbors cell phone, etc, etc). well earlier this year I decided to do something out of the norm. I stood up, walked over to the door, and went all the way to Tokyo. You know how when you get an impulse you just have to act on it? Well anyways, I jumped into the Nihon no Sui, and with a great thrust rode a wave all the way to shore. That's a lie. I hit my head on a rock within the first few minutes of swimming and was brought into Nihon on a big ass boat that picked me up floating in the middle of no where. I ended up in Osaka, realized I didn't know how to speak Nihongo, and bought a Shin to Nihon Dictionary with the money I inherited from my dead hamster.(he was rich for a hamster. He even felt it was best to let me hang onto his money so he didn't lose it. alright that's a lie too. we were business partners. He would run in his wheel, I would find paying customers to watch, and on the side he would be involved in underground knife fights. It was a pretty sweet gig, until he found out I had been embezzling his money into swordfish steak stock. The turnaround on it would have been amazing had he not demanded his money back. Well he got his money back, right before his little accident. See, somehow, a horses head was slipped into his cage while he was sleeping. It was supposed to scare him, I suspect, but it only crushed him...poor little guy)

About a week later I had read my dictionary and was ready to try my hand at Nihonese. The first place I went was the train station. I was actually living in the train station, because I left my wallet at home. There was a Niponese lady with a big ass and squinty eyes, and all she would say was "doko deska, Osan?" Me, having an extensive knowledge of a language I had learned in a week, figured she was saying "you have a fat chin, sexy." I took my ticket when she wasn't looking and hopped on the Shinkansen east, to the land of Kei Nakai and tasty School girls.

What does this have to do with a bunch of brightly colored 14 year olds and a snobby model you ask? Well, I'll get to that when I have more time to write in you. right now I'm kind of tired, I had a long day, and i still can't find japanese Porn.

Good night La Fawnduh,

LI


	2. Chapter 2

1n this installment, Li turns out to be a stalker and a sexist(unintentionally) 3

Note: The opinions and generalizations in this story do not reflect the opinions of the writer. Just having some fun with a narrow minded Chinese friend who would probably kill me if he ever read this.

Chapter Gretta

Th3 $trng3r

Hey La Fawnduh,

Before I finally made it to Tokyo, I was caught on the train by the guards and ended up freezing my ass off while hiding out on the roof. Tokyo is amazing! The buildings are tall, the people are friendly, and you cant move your body because of everyone passing around you. I walked through the streets until I found a suitable place to set up camp. That was the moment my life changed. I don't really understand the place that sat around me, I felt as though the whole world was made for that moment. Ok, that's a lie, school just got out and I can't believe I really got to see the school uniforms they wear! It's like a gift from God, a paradise of sailor suits and cute girls hurrying home so they can watch their soap operas and anime that we know they all love. I got on the subway in hopes of saving some young school girl from a pervert(hee hee). Once again I was embraced by the outstanding culture of Niponese schooling and the mad work rush. It was like packing fish into a can of sardines, people were rubbing against each other, bumping into each other, no one knew where or when or what was going on. And there it was. man slipping his hand closer and closer to a short girl with dark red hair, two little hair puffs sticking out on both sides. She had fare skin, and as she turned she had an energetic yet vulnerable smile. She seemed preoccupied with some distant thoughts, so I coolly and smoothly worked my way between the bodies of schoolgirls and middle aged men(got popped once or twice for a digit slip).

The man was sizing up his find, being careful of the situation around him and observant of the girl in front of him. He knew this path all too well, and knew that there was a turn coming up where he could "fall" into his victim. I had to wait for the exact moment she noticed him, or else she wouldn't see her heroic Shin savior. Man was she thick. He was practically on top of her when she finally noticed what he was doing. She let out a squeal and I sprung into action. (insert crap kicked out of old man here). She was still slightly stunned when I put on my game face.

"Daijo bu?" I said, bearing fake blood(it makes the situation look more dire) on my chin directly toward her.

"…Daijo. Arigato gozaimasu." She slipped out the doors and out through the gates before I could even say Mateo. Oh well. I slipped out the doors in the same fashion, wondering what direction I should head to ease my schoolgirl urges. I decided to go check out some café's around town, surely girls like café's. sadly, like before, I was completely broke. I couldn't buy a croissant if it hit me in the face. So I decided to do a street show. When people would pass by, I would run into the street and hit myself on someone's car. I got a good 50,000 yen for that, although most of it went into fines for obstruction of peace. Armed with the 4,000 I had left I began to make my way around the town. Turns out Tokyo it friggin huge. I thought I would be able to do it all in a day, but no way! Anyways, I had barely passed through 10 shops when I saw it. The girl magnet. On top of a hill there was a café unlike any I had seen on my quest. It was bright red and frilly, with green grass and a renaissance build to it, like a castle from the west. I went to the door and pushed. Nothing happened. I pulled. Nothing happened. Just the challenge I expected, it had already closed. As I stood cursing a girl ran out of the café. She had jet black hair in the same kind of style as the girl from before, pale skin and the permanent look of "high society." she was in a hurry so she didn't notice me, which turned out to be my advantage. I was not going to give up on my quest for schoolgirls just because a café closed at 19:00. No, I was gonna milk it for all it was worth. I decided to follow her just to see where other schoolgirls gathered. Obviously it had to be a slumber party, or a pillow fight, or a (insert girl activity), you know, girl things. I was envisioning what it would be when she changed directions and ran into one of the grassy parks of Tokyo. Thinking it was odd, but no less determined I continued following until she reached a clearing. She seemed to be waiting for something. I climbed a tree for a better view of the area. The park was just the right size for both the buildings and the wildlife. It was getting dark, but I could still see there were little creatures scurrying around on the ground, and that there were people approaching the clearing.

As they came into the clearing I saw something to make my eyes wide and my nose bleed. They were all girls. I started thinking about why they would meet in a park at dusk, but before any answers came to mind(any realistic answers), I saw with my own eyes. They had changed, and quite scantily I might add. I would have died from amazement and blood loss until I heard the words from her mouth. Then I nearly died laughing. I fell out of the tree, hitting every branch possible on the way down. They turned towards the spot where I laid a moment before, and I quickly(and painfully) scampered to another point of observation. A powerful roar erupted from the trees. A giant ermine sprung from the undergrowth and immediately moved towards the girls.

"Oh Crap!" I had unknowingly put them all in danger. I observed for a moment, looking for a weakness on the giants body. Star Trek and Dragon ball came to mind, and I had chosen my targets. The eyes and the tail.

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"Mom, why do I have to be strong?" asked a pale 8 year old with a long black braid. "I want to go play with the other boys." The boy was speaking in Shin to his mom. She had long black hair, smooth crisp skin, and eyes as black as night. She looked at her son with some curiosity.

"So you can protect your friends when the time comes." She had a cool and caring voice. she smiled at her son as she put him in a device that probably should have killed him. " You like playing with your friends, do you?"

"But mom, what if I don't have any friends?" He looked at her with the same black eyes as hers. He had spent so much time studying and training that he had not spent any time in the village with the other boys his age. He knew that if this kept up he would not have any friends by the time he reached his third year of high school.

"Well, when you save the world from the evils that haunt it, people will naturally want to be your friend. Now pick up your chin." She strapped him in with leather harnesses, making sure he would not be able to move. The little boy winces as the harnesses tightened around his vital areas.

"What if the world doesn't need to be saved? What if I'm getting strong for no reason?" These questions had been troubling him for a long time, and the absence of play had not made them any easier to understand.

"Call it a woman's intuition." She finished strapping him into the machine, and did a final check on the harnesses. She gave the boy a kiss on the forehead, and turned it on.

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I leapt from the place I was hiding and rushed forward. The girls had scattered around the giant ermine as it thrashed around violently. It let out another roar as I closed in on its head. The girls had moved differently then I had expected, and synchronized their own movements. It seemed that they had experience fighting, but surely not enough to take on creatures of this caliber alone. It was over in a second. I attacked the head, they attacked the body, there were flashes of light, and it was gone. In its place a frightened small ermine coward before us.

"Oh Crap." I had some explaining to do. They circled around me quickly blocking off my exits, and I was cornered.

Luckily they didn't find you La Fawnduh, Or else I would have nothing to write in. I guess I'll see you tommorrow.

Li


End file.
